Don't Let Them Catch You
by Aquarius Princess
Summary: After months on the run, Hawke and Anders are finally starting to feel safe. But when Hawke disappears, Anders finds out that the templars are right on their trail and they have no mercy. And they know exactly how to torture a mage. Anders/Hawke
1. Stop Running

Anders didn't want her to have this life. Hawke deserved more than what he could provide for her. He tried to convince her to stay away from him. He begged her not to tease him. He told her that she couldn't love him. He told her it would end in disaster. No mage he had known has dared to fall in love. Two mages in love could only lead to ruin.

But she stayed with him. Despite all that he had done…all that he had done to her, Hawke stayed by his side and loved him. Even when faced with the decision whether or not to execute him, Hawke had just looked at him with the same trusting look in her eyes she had when she met him. She extended her hand and said, "Come...Let's fix this mess, love."

She could have had a normal life. She could have hid her magic and lived as a noble the rest of her life. She could have had everything she could ever want. She didn't have to be stuck with a renegade mage. She could have had a normal life with a normal man and raise a normal family. He tried to explain that he could not do this for her. He couldn't give her a normal life.

"But I don't want a normal life, I want you," Hawke would tell him whenever he brought this up.

And with a shake of the head, Anders would smile at her before he kissed her.

Things seemed so simple back then.

Back then, all Anders had to worry about concerning Hawke was during battle. She was safe in her manor and had the city under her thumb. She was safe from any templars. The only danger Hawke had faced was on the battlefield. And Anders was always there to stand between certain death and Hawke.

He would die for her.

And now, as they ran from city to city, he worried about her constantly. She did not have her status anymore. She did not have the protection she had before. Therew as nothing to stop the templars from coming after her. It was as if the ten years in Kirkwall did not happen. She was powerless. All she had was him and all he had was her.

Out of all her companions, Fenris was the last to leave her side. The night that he left, Anders remembered overhearing him talking to Hawke.

"Come with me. Leave him," he had insisted, "If they catch you with him, you will be killed. You will hanged, beheaded. Do you not understand that?" Anger showed through his voice. Anger and frustration that his view was not being heard.

"And do you not understand that I love him?" Hawke had asked with just as much passion.

"But does he love you?" Fenris asked, "If he loved you, he would never had dared advanced on you. If he loved you, he would never have put you in harm's way like this. If he loved you, he would have made you leave him."

"You know nothing," Hawke had spat before a silence took over the camp.

Fenris sighed as he turned from her, "I only stayed to protect you. But I cannot do it anymore. Not when you refuse to protect yourself."

"I don't need protection. I am not a child," Hawke had stated, "You know what I am capable of. I can take any templar that would want to take me."

"It is not the templars that I am worried about," Fenris said.

Those were the last words the former lovers spoke before he left and never returned.

The two mages went on their way. There were plans of perhaps going to Tevinter, but they put that idea to rest. It was too risky. It was a last option. They ran up and down the coast before finally disappearing into the middle of Thedas. Months had passed with no peep from the templars around. And for a moment, Anders was finally able to let his guard down. He found a small home with Hawke and was able to sleep there for more than just a night or two. It was there that Anders asked Hawke to marry him. He would never forget her reaction.

"You mean we aren't?" Hawke had asked with a charming smile on her face.

"Wha-what do you mean?" Anders had asked, knee still on ground and ring still in hand.

"Two people…pledging to spend the rest of their lives with each other…for better or worse…richer or poor…to death do they part…Is that not us?" she had asked him, "Are we not married?"

Later that night, he watched Hawke sleep, he wondered how could she greet each day with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Her life has been filled with tragedy, yet she awoke each morning and drew back the curtains to stare at the sky. Sometimes he would catch her almost in tears, but she would easily replace her sobs with laughter. He did not think it was healthy, but she refused to listen to him. She wanted to bottle her emotions. She wanted to be happy.

He had thought she would resent him. But she didn't. If anything, she wanted him more. She was more determined to help with his cause. She started to write manifestos of her own and began to get more and more passionate about the mage issue. And speaking of passion, Hawke was getting more wanting in the bedroom. She said that the feeling of their magic mingling together was getting stronger with each time.

It was a little piece of heaven for the time being.

And he would be wise to enjoy it while he could.


	2. Happy Times

"You're beautiful," was how Anders greeted Hawke every time she woke up. He watched as her eyes blinked open. Anders stared down into those beautiful blue orbs. He could look into those eyes forever. He leaned down and kissed her gently before he spoke those words of endearment to her. He saw Hawke's cheeks turn a slight pink before she mumbled something about how he should not tease her.

"Good morning," she told him as she kissed him back. She frowned softly as he ended the kiss. She already missed the feeling.

Hawke was still getting used to waking up with a kiss. She was getting used to waking up to being called beautiful. She didn't think she was as breathtakingly stunning as Anders thought she was. Yet Anders insisted on calling her this every day. She did not understand why he insistent on doing this to her. It seemed with everywhere she turned, Anders was there to comment on everything from her body to her mind to her jokes to her bravery. Hawke never felt worthy of being called this. She thought that Anders was the better half. Sometimes she didn't know why he wasted his time on her. But she was glad that he chose her as a partner and as a wife.

She yawned softly as she closed her eyes and snuggled up to Anders. He smiled as he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. He inhaled her scent before he pulled away from her. She smelt like peppermint. It was a strong burning smell that shot him from the nose down to the nerves in his skin. He had no idea how she had this scent stuck to her body the way she did. It couldn't be her natural musk. It had to be a form of magic…

Anders let his eyes close as he felt Hawke move on the bed. She slowly positioned herself on top of him and kissed his naked chest. She started to suck at the skin gently before she moved the lips down his stomach. Even though his eyes were closed, his sense of touch was heightened. He knew where she was going with her actions.

"Oh, love," he whispered as he felt what she was doing.

Hawke never ceased to try to make him happy with every chance she received. He didn't deserve her.

He only wished that he could make her as happy as she made him. And he tried so hard. He tried to make each day a good one even though it seemed that he failed. He tried to stay in the same place as long as possible so she would not be uprooted so frequently. He then finally found that small house for Hawke and he was able to make this house a home for her. Only the best for his soul mate. That's what they were. Soul mates. They went through more good and bad times than most people will ever have with their lover.

Anders had a few ideas to why Hawke did not have as high self-esteem as people thought she did. She deflected any personal pain with a good-hearted joke so she was never really able to face her feelings. She blamed herself for the deaths of her sister and mother. She was convinced that each event was her fault. Anders tried to explain to her that it wasn't, but she would just snap back with the reasons she was nothing but a bad luck charm to all around her. He would always silence her cries with a firm kiss. He didn't want to hear someone ever talk bad about the woman he loved.

Hawke was also extremely wounded by Fenris leaving her that night long ago. It really hurt her and her views about her self worth. Anders remembered the day after. She came to him, completely breaking down as she told him the story. She told him that Fenris slept with her and he had left after experiencing terrible flashbacks to his life before. As she cried, he fumed in anger as he listened to her story. Anders did not give a damn about why he left. Fenris left her. That was all that mattered. If Anders did not have self control, he would have gone after Fenris and make him burn for what he did to her.

But Hawke seemed to find it in her compassionate heart to forgive him and to allow him back into her life. Anders never understood why she chose to forgive and forget. And he never understood why Fenris treated him as the enemy. He didn't do anything wrong. He never hurt Hawke. Fenris was the one to use Hawke. Fenris was the one to lead her on. How dare he say, "break her heart and I will kill you"? When Fenris walked out that door, he was the one to break Hawke's heart and shatter whatever confidence she had.

Fenris didn't deserve to be Hawke's friend. He didn't deserve to be able to stay by her side. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. But that's the kind of person Hawke was. She couldn't stand to hate someone. She was a people pleaser. She was friends with everyone and always sought a peaceful solution.

Anders was the one to teach her that sometimes conflicts could not be solved with words.

"I love you," Anders told her in a dazed voice as Hawke finished. She looked up at him and smiled at him with all the love in her soul. She kissed him once before she got off him and went to make breakfast. He smiled as he pulled the sheets back over his body and went back to sleep for the moment. He enjoyed the fact that he could do this on a near daily basis.

Anders was being complacent. His guard was barely up now that he believed they were free and clear of the imminent threat. He had started to become relaxed in his life. He believed that he could settle down.

He would be punished.


	3. Listen To Me

A few days passed in quietness. One of the things Anders enjoyed about this house was that it was nestled in the cool mountainside. It was miles away from the nearest village and they have never been interrupted. If they ever left the house, they took care to dye each other's hair and they would cast minor spells to alter their faces. It was temporary, but necessary. And they really went to that village. Just for things they needed. It was hard at first, but Anders and Hawke learned to be self-reliant in their home. Hawke had started to plant a little garden outside the home and Anders learned how to use a bow and arrow to hunt small creatures in the woods.

No one knew they existed here. No one had to know. They had no ties. All that had was each other. All they needed was each other.

But there was Merrill. Merrill was the black cat that Anders had found a week ago. It had been wondering the woods. The barely adult cat was starving and wounded from a fight with another animal. He brought it back home and nursed it back to health. Hawke named it Merrill because of the cat's sweet and innocent nature. She also wanted to honor the memory of Isabela's nickname for the girl.

It was the first cat Anders had since Sir Pounce a Lot and he coddled the creature as much as he coddled Hawke. However Hawke did not mind. She loved Merrill as well. At first, Anders thought she liked it because she missed her Mabari. Hawke was not a cat person. She preferred the company of dogs. But when Ladybird died a year ago, she lost her companion. Anders just figured that she bonded with Merrill to replace her feelings for Ladybird.

But one day, he found Hawke holding Merrill like one would a baby. He listened as she cooed down to the cat, whispering silly talk and laughing like she was a young girl.

Merrill was the closest thing Hawke would have to a baby. Anders explained to her that his taint would make it difficult for him to give her a child. There was little to no chance of Hawke ever getting pregnant. He tried to explain that it was for the best. A child would weigh them down. He forced these words out of this mouth and tried not to break down as he watched Hawke's eyes water up. He hated to tell her this. He wanted a child as much as she did.

But the minute he made that deal with Justice, he knew that having a child would be disastrous. And when he blew up the Chantry, he sealed the fate of any potential heir. That child deserved better than to have two fugitive parents, constantly on the run. And since both Anders and Hawke were mages, the child would definitely have magical talents. He didn't want to bring that child into this world in this condition. Not now.

Anders smacked his lips softly as he woke up later one morning. Hearing the sound of her master wake, Merrill opened one yellow eye before she wrinkled her nose and returned to sleep. Anders yawned as he turned over and went to reach for Hawke. Instead of feeling skin or her nightgown, Anders felt the sheets that covered the bed. Not understanding why this was, Anders opened his eyes to see what was the problem. What he saw was that he was the only one in this bed.

"Hawke?" He called out, figuring that she was in the kitchen making breakfast. He was not that concerned.

It was when he was not answered that he started to panic.

He felt something in his heart quicken as terrible scenarios went through his mind. He had made it clear to Hawke that she could not leave the house without telling him. He didn't want to control her like this, but he had to. He had to keep her safe and he had to make sure she was safe.

With a quick motion, he tore the sheets off his body and scrambled out of the bed. Freaked out by this motion, Merrill's eyes opened and she gave a meow of disapproval. She stood up on all fours and watched as Anders grab his staff and run into the other room.

Like a wild animal, Anders slammed the door to the house opened and he looked around searching for Hawke. His eyes scanned the area and he went for the garden in the back of the house.

The sight of Hawke tending the plants caused so much relief in Anders's system he thought that he was going to pass out.

She was on her knees and was humming a tune as she patted the soil around the growing plants. She didn't notice someone was back there until she heard someone approach her from behind. Not knowing it was Anders, she tensed up and turned around to see who was about to attack her. Seeing that it was Anders, Hawke smiled. "Oh good morning, darling," she started, not seeing the angry look in his eyes.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Anders spat out, gripping his hands on his staff.

Seeing that he was agitated, Hawke stood up and wiped the dirt on her pants, "I'm sorry…I just wanted to do some gardening. I didn't even think-I mean, it's right in our backyard."

Whatever she said triggered something because she saw the familiar sight of Anders's eyes change color. And with a deepened voice, her fear was confirmed.

"You stupid girl, you never think," snarled Justice as he showed his disdain for Hawke, "You'll be the death of him."

And as soon as he came out, Justice retreated back as Anders regained dominance.

Weary at this sudden attack, Anders dropped his staff and fell to his knees. And at once, Hawke bent down and helped him up. He said nothing as he stood up and tried to regain his balance.

"Let's get you inside," Hawke whispered as she helped the silent mage back into the house.

Justice and Hawke never got along. Never. Anders never told her what the spirit really thought about her. Justice constantly told Anders to abandon her, that getting involved with her was a liability. Hawke was a distraction, Hawke was a burden, Hawke was a problem.

_You know nothing…_Anders thought as he started his apologies for Hawke.


	4. Milk

"Would you like some milk, Merrill?" Anders asked, cooing down to the beloved creature. The black cat meowed gently as she watched him put the saucer of milk on the floor. Her tongue slowly came out as she leaned into the saucer and lapped up the white drink. "Good girl," Anders told her as he scratched the area behind the cat's ears. Merrill purred softly at being pampered in such a way before she continued to drink the milk.

After standing up, Anders looked around to see Hawke standing in the doorway of the kitchen. She bit her lower lip with a nervous flair. She had not spoken to him since Justice had come out. She was always wary and nervous around Anders after Justice took over.

"It's me, Hawke…" He reassured her as he walked over to her. He took both her hands and pulled them up. He kissed them gently before he brought them back down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so angry with you. I'm sorry Justice came out. I just got scared…and like a scared boy, I lashed out." He looked away from her, "I just want you to be safe. It would kill me if the templars took you…"

"As would I if they took you," Hawke told him. She squeezed his hands encouragingly before she kissed his cheek.

Looking back to Hawke, Anders tried to return the smile that was gracing her face. As his mouth twitched up, he gave a small laugh before he let go of her hands. "You're an amazing woman," he told her.

"So I'm told," she smiled as she looked at him.

* * *

Anders yawned softly as he stared out at the sunset. He opened and shut his clenched fist. Revealing and concealing a bouncy ball of electricity in his hands. One of his favorite moments of the day was sitting on the roof of the house and staring at the sunset. It gave him a moment to forget his troubles and go back to simpler times.

"_Hawke, Hawke, Hawke, how in the world did you do this to your leg?" Anders had asked as his eyes traveled down the bloody limb. With no hesitation he closed his eyes and started his concentration on feeling the cut up and sliced leg. _

_She whimpered softly as she laid down on the wooden table. Her robes had been pulled up so Anders could properly examine the wounds on her leg. _

"_It was a trap. Blades came out of nowhere," Sebastian told the mage as he squeezed Hawke's hand. The woman whimpered as she squeezed her friend's hand. Her brilliant blue eyes showed the hurt and pain that she had gone through. Fenris had been the one to carry her to Kirkwall from the Wounded Coast. Both Sebastian and Aveline followed awkwardly as they listened to the elf mutter in Tevinter._

"_My fault…too stupid…ran out…should have…seen…it," Hawke moaned as hot tears started to come out of her eyes._

"_It wasn't your fault," Sebastian insisted as he ran his thumb over Hawke's knuckles as he kept his hold on her._

_Aveline had long left the clinic. She stayed to make sure Hawke was in good hands before she had to go back to her office._

_Still concentrating on the spell, Anders whispered, "Don't worry, Lily. I'll fix you up…" Noting that her first name had been used, Lily Hawke glanced at Anders with curious eyes before the hurt covered the curiosity. _

"_Fool mage, hurry," Fenris snarled, finally speaking after fifteen minutes of standing by Hawke's side._

"_Ordering me will not make her heal faster," Anders said, trying to keep his calm. He moved his hand over her leg with a slow motion, hoping the magic would be enough._

"_For the love…" Hawke moaned, "Of the Maker…shut up you two…Can you not fight…for five minutes?" She let out a pained laugh, "People…will start to…talk…the way you two…carry on…" _

_Fenris just huffed like an aggravated child before he leaned against one of the support beams in the clinic._

_Hawke chuckled softly before she realized how much it hurt to laugh. She whined softly as she felt Anders's magic enter her._

_Anders smiled as he watched his spell work. He sighed in relief as the skin stitched back together and the blood receded back into the wounds before they were closed. _

"_Just keep off that leg for a day or two," Anders told her as he helped her sit up, "I'll come check on it tomorrow." He gently pulled the robes back down and looked as the pain in her eyes disappeared._

"_Thank you, thank you, thank you," Hawke said, gratefully. She pulled her hand out of Sebastian's and went to hug Anders. _

_He flushed at the young woman embraced him, "It was no problem…." He returned the hug and they allowed it to linger for a few moments before Fenris cleared his throat._

"_I'll take you home, Hawke," Fenris said as straightened up._

_"Thank you, Fenris," she smiled as she looked away from Anders and looked at the elf. Pleased by this, Fenris gave a very faint smile._

_And with an annoyed sigh, Anders pulled away from Hawke and watched as Fenris approached her and picked her up. And with that same look in his eyes, he watched as Fenris and Sebastian escorted Hawke out._

"How petty I was…" Anders sighed as he thought of his rivalry with the former slave. It was silly, childish. Especially when he had Hawke all along. He could care less about what Fenris thought of magic and of him. He was used to dealing with ignorance. If there was anything worth fighting for it was Hawke. But thinking of this served nothing. Fenris was gone now. It doesn't matter.

"Anders, dinner is ready!" was the call that beckoned Anders off the roof and out of his past.

* * *

A few hours later, Hawke was sitting in front of the vanity doing her nightly routine before she went to sleep. She was brushing her shoulder length auburn hair. The light from the candles made the hair a tint lighter. She closed her eyes and she fell into the feel of her brushing.

Within the minute she felt a pair of arms embrace her from behind and a whispering in her ear.

"Anders, stop," Hawke chuckled as the whispering tickled her.

"Why? It's so fun," He teased her as he rested his chin on her shoulders. He stared into their reflection and watched as her eyes opened. Anders sighed as he stared at his bride, "You have been radiant these last couple of weeks…Each time I see you, I feel as if I'm staring into the sun."

Hawke laughed as she stood up from her chair and set the brush down, "Don't be silly…You know I don't like when you tease me like that…"

Anders frowned as he straightened himself and looked at her, "I don't tease you…I only say what it correct." As he watched her get on the bed, he asked, "Is everything okay, love?"

"Yes, it's fine," Hawke said as she picked Merrill up from the floor and placed the cat on her pillow.

Not believing a word, Anders got on the bed and kissed her bare shoulder, "You can tell me anything. You know that…"

Hawke smiled at the affection before she ran her fingers through Anders's hair, "I know…Just…Give me some time…Alright?"

He nodded and he pulled away. He watched as the female mage looked at him with amorous eyes. He loved that look in her eyes when she wanted him.

If there was only one thing he loved about her physical appearance, it was the light in her eyes. And he would die before he would see that light extinguish.


	5. As If There Was A Question

Opening his eyes, Anders found that there was a strange chill in the house. Usually the building was not cold. It was sort of cold in the house a few months ago, but it was winter then and it was before he fixed the cracks in the walls. There was also a strange smell in the air. He knew that smell, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was. It was unpleasant and it made him feel nauseous. He tried to ignore it as he went on with his morning.

Anders looked around in the bed and he saw that Hawke was not sleeping with him. That was strange. Usually after a night of love making, he found her snuggled into his arms. Or she was at least holding him from behind. She wouldn't leave his hold until he woke up as well. She told him that it was one of her favorite moments and she wouldn't trade them for the world.

_Something had waked him. It sounded like tapping._

"_Maker, what is that noise?" Hawke had mumbled. Anders had mumbled something before he tried to return to sleep. Hawke started to leave the comfort of Anders's arms. She was getting out of the bed. _

_Too sleepy and tired to protest this, Anders allowed her to go. He felt the softness of Hawke's lips on his forehead before she walked away. He heard the sound of a thump. Merrill had jumped off the bed to follow her mistress._

Anders sat up in the bed and he called Hawke's name. After not being answered, he sighed in frustration. She must be outside and tending to her garden again. Anders could feel Justice stirring inside him. Anders wondered if she knew how carried away Justice could get. And how angry he, himself, could get.

Deciding to cool off so he would not yell at her again, Anders went to clean himself and get dressed.

As he went on with his morning routine, Anders couldn't help but notice that Merrill was not constantly following him throughout the bedroom. Usually the cat was at his feet and he would constantly have to stop himself from tripping over her. Believing that Merrill was with Hawke, he did not think anymore of this.

As he left the bedroom, Anders found the smell bothering him again. He looked around and called Hawke's name again. Once more he was not answered. Deciding that he needed to confront her, Anders went down the small hallway and into the front room of the house.

The first thing he saw was that the door was wide open. He could feel the chill coming in from the outside. And there was the sound of something dripping. It seemed to be coming in the same direction as the smell. He walked over to the door and saw there was a small puddle of blood on the threshold.

"Oh Maker," Anders whispered as he felt his heart jump out of his body. He stepped over the puddle. As he turned, that's when he saw the cause of the puddle, the dripping, and the smell.

The black cat once known as Merrill was nailed against the side of the house. A long dagger was stabbed into the cat's stomach, keeping her up on the wall. Blood was dripping from the wound on her stomach. Her yellow eyes were wide and completely devoid of life.

With an unsteady hand, Anders pulled the knife out of his cat and watched as the corpse fell down on the ground. Along with the body, a piece of paper fell. It must have been pinned to the wall along with the cat. Anders saw that the parchment was slightly coated with blood on one side and writing on the other.

With a quick motion, he picked up the note and read it.

_We have Lily._

Anders clutched his heart, feeling the organ beat at an extremely quick pace. Instead of seeing the letter, Anders saw stars and dark spots. He felt his knees start to give out as a complete sense of shock overtook his senses. Thoughts raced through his eyes as he tried to keep his emotions under control.

He could feel himself wanting to break down. "No, don't be weak," he told himself as he gripped the edge of the door and steadied himself before he went to read the letter.

_We have Lily._

_We did not take her simply because she is your romantic partner. Nor did we take her because of her stance in Kirkwall. We consider her your accomplice. A source has informed us how she gathered ingredients for your evil plans. We find her accountable for your actions. After given the chance to fulfill her obligation to the Maker, she not only pardoned you of your wrongdoing, she stood by your side and supported the rebellion. Because of this we find her guilty of the same crime that you have committed. Under the command of Knight-Commander Cullen, we have seized her. She agreed to come willingly as long as we did not harm you. We did not have the resources to take on two extremely dangerous apostates, so we complied with her request._

_If you have any sort of integrity, abomination, you will turn yourself in. If we are given a peaceful surrender, we will give you a painless execution. You probably were not aware but you are just in the territory of Fereldan. Because of this, we told Queen Anora of our pursuit. She has given us a Fortress located five miles from this location. You will present to yourself at this fortress by tonight. Otherwise we will execute Lily and resume our pursuit. _

The letter was not signed, but he did not expect it to. Anders gripped the letter tightly as he felt magic start to pulsate through his system. Visions came across him. He started to see Hawke chained. Templars were surrounding her. Their swords were drawn. Her terrified face haunted his mind. This was his fault. He should have not settled down. He should have run again.

"I didn't protect you…Maker damn me for this," he said, hoarsely as he finally fell down on his knees. He then felt Justice rumble inside him. If the spirit could speak to him he would, but Anders got the gist of what he was saying.

"I am going after her…" Anders said as he read the letter again. It didn't seem real.

Justice was not having that. With a flash, Anders watched at the letter burned before his eyes. Within a second there was nothing left but ashes and faint burn marks on his fingers. Justice was angry.

"I am!" Anders insisted.

At that, Anders felt his mind assaulted with memories. He saw himself going into the Chantry late at night. Anders saw himself finding Karl and talking to him. He saw the shocked and horrified expression on his face when he saw that Karl had been made Tranquil. He saw the templars come in and attack. He saw himself almost getting killed.

"No! It won't be like that," Anders said as he forced himself up. How dare Justice bring that up? He felt the adrenaline go through his entire body as he stood up. He went back into the house and grabbed his staff.

Justice seemed more agitated this time.

"I will not turn myself in peacefully," Anders snarled as he threw the staff on the unmade bed. He went to his chest and opened it. He grabbed his old robes and hastily put them on. "I will not surrender," he said as he reached for his daggers. He strapped one to his ankle. He grabbed another and strapped it to his belt. "I will not submit myself to a painless death," Anders whispered as he grabbed the almost forgotten bag of health poultices. He would need them.

"I will break into that place. I will kill every single son of a bitch in that fortress," He said as he grabbed his staff and put it on his back. "I will make them feel your burn." Anders walked up to the vanity and he stared at his reflection. He didn't see the angry madman. He saw an experienced mage going headfirst into battle. He smiled at the image. He hadn't looked that way in a long time. It was this look that made him miss the old days with Hawke.

But he couldn't think on that now.

"I'm coming for you, my love," Anders said, closing his eyes.

After rumbling in the body for a few moments, Justice finally quieted down.

Anders then heard a familiar voice in his head.

"Don't let them catch you," Justice told him before he fell silent.

* * *

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	6. The Risks We Take

The only thought that went through Anders's head was "Get in, get Hawke, kill whoever gets in the way" This was his mantra as he made his way down the mountains. He knew what fortress the letter was speaking of. He and Hawke had passed the large intimidating abandoned building months ago. They had no idea that the queen controlled it and that it would be Hawke's future prison. It was a short distance away, but he would have to first get down the mountain. That would take the most time. But he would be at that fortress by nightfall. The determination going through his body would not allow him to be late.

There was something odd about the letter. He could not put his finger on it, but there was something strange. He felt like he knew that handwriting from somewhere. However he couldn't for the life of him put the handwriting to a certain person. Then again, Anders was not an expert in writing. A lot of people had similar handwriting. But still, he could not get his mind off this.

And another thing, why did the note refer to Hawke as 'Lily'? Only a small amount of people actually knew her first name. She always called herself Hawke. The only people who knew her name were her family and her companions. Of course there was a select amount of people who caught her name in passing. Outside of Knight-Commander Cullen, no one in the templars knew it. But this could easily be explained. Cullen could have told them when he sent them after him.

The last thing that Anders noticed was that the letter talked about a source. The source revealed that Hawke had helped him retrieve ingredients. No one knew about how he used the items to blow up the Chantry. Hawke didn't even know. Not until that night. The only people who might have known were Varric and Fenris because she brought them with her to get them. Varric would never jeopardize his friend's life like that. And even though Fenris despised Anders, he didn't hate him enough to hurt Hawke. Fenris had a soft side for her even though he would rather tear out his own heart than admit it.

But this was all irrelevant. This thinking didn't help him get Hawke back. There was no point to try and figure out a letter. The only thing that Anders could do now was at least reach the place before he went on this mission.

And think on how this could have been avoided.

"_Oh, my aching thighs…Where is Jethann when I need him?" Isabela whined as the group finally stopped on the outskirts of Kirkwall. She rubbed the sore muscles as she watched everyone else take that moment to breathe._

_Varric, who was always against any form of exercise (even if it was used to run away from certain danger), was panting heavily as he reached for a tree. He wiped the sweat off his brow as he regained his balance._

_Aveline took off her glove and finally addressed the broken finger. She pushed the bone back into place. Already she had her regrets. Donnic was supposed to meet up with her later. She was worried if he even survived the chaos._

_Merrill, who had terrible cuts on her arms, sat next to Isabela and quietly gave her some salve for her legs. Isabela noted the blood on Merrill's hands and gave her some bandages. After the exchange, the two women simply sat with each other and nursed their wounds._

_Fenris had his eyes closed and he was calmly leaning against a tree. He was muttering in Tevinter. With an unhurried motion, he opened those eyes and he looked at Anders and Hawke._

_Hawke and Anders were the last to arrive in the area. They were silent with each other, only exchanging glances. Anders had his arm around her in a protective manner. She was leaning into his touch._

"_Are you happy with what you have caused, fool mage?" Fenris asked. He stared at Anders with loathing in his eyes. Anders had only seen that hatred once. When Fenris killed his master._

_Anders tried to ignore him. This was no time to be making any new arguments. He needed all the allies he could get._

_Hawke was the one to respond. "Fenris, if you want to be angry with anyone, be angry with me," she told him with sadness in her voice. She walked over to the elf and said, "Anders did what he had to do. It was not the best move, but it was the move he needed to do."_

"_The way you defend him is pathetic," Fenris told her. Seeing her wounded face, he softened, "And…you're not pathetic. Which confuses me to this day why you stay with him. You have doomed yourself, Hawke." And with a heavy sigh he turned and went to go speak to Isabela. _

_Anders watched as Hawke stood there for a moment. She then turned and walked over to Anders. They locked eyes for a moment before she fell into his arms. She buried her head into his robes. As her body shook, he started to hear her sob. He held her tighter and he told her, "I'm sorry, Lily…I'm so sorry I brought you into this…If you want to leave, I understand…You can start over. I can't."_

_Hawke let out a laugh that was drowning in her tears. She looked up at him and smiled, "You stupid man…you know I can't leave…" She pulled away from him and wiped her tears. She frowned as she looked at his face. She put her hand on his cheek, "Pushing me away didn't work before and it won't work now. We are in this together."_

_And with that they exchanged a kiss before moving on._

If she left, she wouldn't be in this position. But you can say a lot of ifs. It would not fix anything.

"Lily," Anders whispered as he reached the bottom of the mountain. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the wild. He heard a bird call. Knowing the sound, he opened his eyes. He watched as a hawk flew through the air and landed in a nearby tree. He watched as the hawk cleaned herself before she went on her way.

This small scene did more for Anders than anything. Hawke was a fighter. Hawke was going to be fine. With this thought, a small smile crossed Anders's face. It was him the templars wanted, not her. She was their only bartering chip. She was what was going to bring him to them. The templars wouldn't dare jeopardize this by hurting her.

Even with this fact, Anders knew he would not have the upper hand in the situation. The templars would use Hawke to manipulate him into doing anything. That's assuming that they could subdue him. He would fight with his last breath, but there was a chance he would simply be outnumbered and powerless.

But he would not give up. Hawke didn't give up on him. She had a million chances to leave and move on with her life. She didn't. She stayed with him, she loved him, she agreed to be his wife. He had given her dozens of reasons to leave. He was an apostate. He had lied to her. He was a terrorist. He killed the Grand Cleric. He asked her to give up her entire life. Her friends were gone. Her mabari was gone. Her chance at a life, a _real_ life, was gone.

It used to be that Anders would question himself on _when_ she would leave. He was that hopeless about the situation. But the years passed and their love grew stronger and stronger. He no longer assumed that she would come to her senses and leave. Anders had faith in Hawke and in himself. She helped build up his confidence and nearly eradicated his insecurity. If she had only done that he would be forever in her debt. But Hawke had done so much more.

As far as he was concerned, him rescuing her was just another sign of his love for her. Another sign and act of repayment. Just one in many. Because this had to work. There was no option for this plan to fail. If it did, they would both be dead. Or worse, be made Tranquil.

The thought of his beloved Hawke being turned into that controlled, mindless shell of a person caused a sharp pain to go through Anders's stomach. The mere idea of some lustful Templar taking advantage of her submissive state almost made him scream aloud. If he saw those blank eyes and that sun on her forehead…

"No, don't think about that," Anders told himself, "You'll worry yourself to death. You're no use to anyone if you're a basket case. She won't be made Tranquil. She won't end up like Karl."

And with a steady heart, he went on his way.


	7. White Knight

The silence surrounding the forest was almost unsettling for the two guards posted at the door.

"It is a beautiful night tonight," one guard said to the other.

Serah Anna glanced at Ser Evin before she looked back out into the woods, "If you say so."

Ser Evin frowned before he leaned against the walls of the fortress. Maker he wished he was anywhere else but there. He could be getting in for an early night. But no, he had to be on vigil tonight. And with Serah Anna out of all people.

"Stand up straight," Serah Anna scolded as she looked at Ser Evin again, "You are going to scratch your armor. And don't slouch. We have a standard to uphold."

He groaned before he straightened himself. "No one can see us. No one out here cares if we have good posture. The apostate is not going to look at us and say 'oh don't they look nice? I should turn myself in and not turn them into a toad'." He rolled his eyes.

She was not amused at all. "I want to be attentive. I want us to look attentive if you can't actually be attentive. Maker knows you need to go back to Denerim where templars can be slack," Serah Anna complained before she looked forward.

"You are worse than having a wife," Ser Evin muttered.

"Like you would know anything about having a wife," Serah Anna smirked.

He was eager to retort. "Oh, would you shut it, you-" Ser Evin's command was cut off mid sentence.

Thrown off by this, Serah Anna turned to where Ser Evin had been standing. He was not there.

She turned around, frantically, "Evin!"

At that moment, she yelled out again as she felt a force pull away from the fortress and into the woods.

After a split second, Serah Anna fell down face first. She looked up and the first thing she saw was mage robes.

Serah Anna started to scramble back. Before she could make a motion, she saw a boot coming towards her. It stepped on her hand. She whimpered as she stayed put.

"Where is Hawke?" was the question. Serah Anna looked up to see someone staring down at her. The darkness of night prevented her from seeing his face outside the look of anger and hatred in his eyes.

Apparently her response was not quick enough because he repeated with restrained anger in his voice, "Where. Is. Hawke?"

With a choked voice she responded quickly. Her mind was utterly confused at what was going on. "Hawke?" Serah Anna questioned, "That Champion in Kirkwall? Why would I know where she is?"

"She is here. You damn templars took her," the voice said as it ground the boot into her hand, "Tell me where she is."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" she told him, bewildered. His hissed as she felt her fingers bend and break.

The mage took his boot off her and bent down so they were looking face to face.

He took a deep breath, as if to calm himself. "Was there a mage who arrived here recently?" He asked her, slowly as if he were speaking to a child.

Unsure if she should tell him, she was silent to his question.

"If you do not want to wind up like your friend," the mage said as he lit a ball of fire in the palm of his hands, "I suggest telling me everything you know."

Serah Anna bit her lower lip before she told him, scared of what he could do, "This morning I might have seen her. My superiors brought in a mage. I couldn't really see her. She had red hair, though. I remember that. They had blindfolded her and bound her hands and there were shackles around her ankles. She was taken to the second floor, I think. Yes, the second floor. I remember because she had almost tripped on the way up the stairs."

"Is she alright?" he asked. Serah Anna thought that she heard concern in his voice.

"I honestly don't know," Serah Anna told him. She replied quickly, "But she's alive. I would know if a mage had died under our watch."

There was a silence before the mage asked, "Would you know if she had been turned Tranquil?"

She told him honestly, "I don't know, ser. I really don't."

"How many of your brethren are here?" He asked after a moment.

"I-I don't know. A hundred. Maybe more," Serah Anna told him, feeling the panic in her heart rise, "Please let me go."

"How many mages asked that of you?" The mage asked as he stared deep into her eyes. Serah Anna started to panic as she heard that voice change. She shrieked in fear when she saw his eyes turn blue.

"How many mages have you turned a blind eye to? How many have you killed in your young life?" He asked as he stood up.

Serah Anna heard the sound of crinkling. There was a flash of a bright blue light. She screamed.

* * *

"Ugh, my head," was what Anders first said as he felt Justice retreat into his body. He blinked his eyes and rubbed his forehead before he looked around. The two templars he interrogated were lying on the ground. They were dead and still smoldering from their terrible burns.

"…Maker…" he muttered as he stepped over the bodies. He wished that he didn't have to kill them. They looked like they barely left their mothers' skirts. But he couldn't take the chance of them just adding to the impending battle. He knew that any mercy he would show would just come back in the end. It always did.

Now that the door was unguarded, he rushed out of the forest and to the door of the fortress. He put his ear to the door. He couldn't hear anything, but that did not mean much to him.

Anders didn't have a strategy. He knew that if she were there, Hawke would have had a plan.

And with a quick motion, Anders pulled out his staff. He stepped back from the door and took a deep breath.

"_You know, I bet if you were in the Circle with me, I would have escaped sooner," Anders told Hawke. _

_A small blush crossed her face as Hawke turned to him, "Oh, don't be silly. I wouldn't have helped a bunch. If anything, you would still be in there."_

_Anders and Hawke were enjoying a quiet afternoon in his clinic. It was one of those rare times the two had to really talk._

_It was one of the tender moments that Anders had cherished. This had been before the Deep Roads Expedition, before Carver joined the templars, before Anders acted on his feelings._

"_I doubt that," Anders told her. He watched her as she looked over the clinic. She was always a curious creature and enjoyed knowing each detail of the area she was in. As she moved, Anders kept an eye on her walk. He was reminded of a bird when he watched her. _

_Hawke wouldn't have done well in the Circle. She would have been eaten alive by the rules and the constriction. She was a free spirit. She wouldn't have bent to the rules and submitted. She may be sweet and gentle, but Hawke was a fighter if you made her do something she didn't want to do or something she didn't think was right. She stood up for herself and other people. Anders figured that if she had gone to the Circle, she would have ended up escaping before she went through her first decade of life. _

"_Hey, Anders, can I ask you something?" Hawke asked._

"_Of course," he told her as he looked up at her. He watched her as she sat down next to him._

"_Do you think that two apostates in love could have a good life?" Hawke asked._

_He frowned at the question and he wondered why she asked it._

_Hawke seemed to have read his mind, "I was just thinking about Mother and Father. Things were hard on them and she wasn't even a mage. I just can't imagine two mages living outside the Circle, away from the templars, raising a family."_

_Anders looked at her and watched a sad look form on her face. He put his hand on her hand and he told her, "I believe that it would be hard…not impossible. A day will come where it would be a right taken for granted instead of the luxury we are fighting for now. I pray that day will come soon."_

_She turned and looked at him. A smile and a look of hope formed on her face. "I do too…" Hawke smiled as she leaned against him, "So…can I take a look at these infamous manifestos?"_

Anders will not have that spirit spoiled.


	8. Justice On The Homefront

The fortress was an old battle station that was around during the Second Blight. It was abandoned for the most part. However it was still an impressive building that Fereldan was proud to claim as one of its achievements. In the days of its youth it was an inspiring building that was a force to be reckoned with. Old and decaying, the fortress had lost some of the luster that it claimed many years ago. Always ailing, there was no hope that it would be returned to top condition. It was rarely used, so there was never any real check up to the activities that went on.

Not even the guard of the local town did its patrol near the area. There was no reason to. The greatest risk and danger came from lustful young adults who thought it exciting to bed their partners in the deserted building. The most damage they did was aggravating an already unsteady structure or swiping a dusty artifact. If it were not for its rich history, it would have been erased from memory and existence.

That was the reason that Knight-Commander Cullen sent his men there. It was the perfect place to claim headquarters on the situation at hand. With Queen Anora's blessing, he was able to send most of the templars there. The Chantry in Denerim also sent many of their templars there for the support. Due to the demands of the city of Kirkwall and the rebelling Circle, he could not be there physically. Instead, he sent his right hand man.

Ser Starkweather was young man according to templar standards. Barely thirty-five, the blonde had stomped out dozens of apostates and suspected blood mages on lone patrols. A Kirkwall native, he had seen first had the events that had started the bloody and violent rebellion. He had witnessed the Chantry explosion. He lost people there. He lost brothers and arms and someone far more important. But unlike how Cullen's hatred was ignited by Uldred in the Fereldan Circle, Starkweather's hatred was intensified not by mages but by a specific mage.

_Anders. Anders. Anders. Anders._

The name that haunted his mind. The name that he scribbled in his journal.

_Anders. Anders. Anders. Anders._

The man who caused so much damage. The man who terrorized an entire city.

He had chased after the apostate since day one. After a month of chasing, Starkweather and his party had lost track of the apostate. And there was not one lead. It was only last week when a source came to him with the information. It was like a gift from the Maker when he received the visit. The source was able to give him the exact location and he had even walked the templar to the mountainous area. The source had a condition for his information, but Starkweather would deal with that later.

Oh, when Starkweather finally tracked down the abomination, he received a joy that was better than sex. He discovered the mage shacked up with a lover. He watched them for days before he finally alerted his men that he had found him. Starkweather did not really know why he did not speak up sooner. He didn't know why he spied on Anders and kept control, rather than attacking the murderer head on. And Maker forgive him, he had no idea why he also kept such a close eye on the apostate's lover. It wasn't until the next day that he had realized that it was the Champion of Kirkwall, Hawke.

When he told his party what he saw and found, someone came up with the plan.

The fortress was a three storied building with a basement rotting with water damage. The strong, pungent stench of mold and Maker knows what else kept many of the templars away from the dungeon. Ser Starkweather and the original party kept quarters on the third floor. The rest of the templars were scattered on the first and second floor, depending on their age and rank. The source also kept lodging in the fortress. Starkweather wanted to keep an eye on him, so he had him stay in the room next to his.

Starkweather sighed as he stared out the window of his room. He was sipping a cup of tea. He was never fond of strong ale and alcohol. There was a degree of paranoia that such indulgence would greatly harm him. Starkweather set the mug on his end table before he walked over to the room. He stared out into the night sky and took note of the rain clouds that were coming in. The moon was beginning to rise behind the clouds.

"Ser Starkweather, there has been no sign of the apostate," one of his men said as he stood in the doorway of his superior's room.

"I thought he would come by now," Starkweather mused. He turned to his man and smirked, "Seems as though your plan has failed, Carver."

Carver Hawke was silent for a moment as he stood there. He cleared his throat before stating, "I apologize, ser. I thought that Anders would come for her." He shifted his feet before saying, "In Lily's letters, it seemed that he genuinely cared for her. She wrote about him constantly. I felt like he was good for her." He sighed in frustration, "I should have seen this coming."

A small chuckle escaped Starkweather's lips before he turned to Carver, "He was using her. After she served her purpose, he did not need her. Anders is not going to risk his life by coming back here. Not for her." He sighed as he looked back to the window, "I should have known that."

Another pause passed in the room.

"Is something troubling you, Ser Carver?" Starkweather asked.

"We are not...we aren't really going to execute her, are we?" Carver asked, uncertainly.

Starkweather put on a smile as he turned to the younger man, "Of course not. Execution would serve no purpose. But she will be punished and tried for her actions."

"Oh, yes, I would not think otherwise," Carver commented. The relief in his voice was overwhelming. It amused Starkweather. Carver then asked, "So, should I have some men escort her to Denerim?"

"Not now," Starkweather said, "It is too late. Perhaps in the morning." He looked back to Carver, "And then we can pack up and resume our search."

Carver nodded before he said, "I apologize about this, ser. I thought this was a way to avoid bloodshed." He muttered under his breath, "I thought that bastard would be a man for her."

A low rumble of thunder took Starkweather's attention off Carver. He looked out the window and saw a few drops of rain come from the sky. Another roll of thunder came.

_Wait...no, that's not thunder..._

The "thunder" was followed by a set of yells and the sound of something cracking. "What in the Maker's name is going on?" Starkweather asked as he grabbed his sword. He pushed Carver aside as he looked down the hallway. He saw as his fellows ran out of their rooms and ran down the stairs. He followed after them and Carver was right at his heels. Starkweather made his way on the second floor and he grabbed one of his men.

"What is going on?" he asked as he observed the templar's terrified face.

"The-the-the apostate, Anders, he's here! He's felled dozens of men! Oh, Maker, Wilhem, Tomas, and Micha...You have to get down there, Starkweather," the templar told him.

"Man, why didn't you alert me when he came here?" Starkweather asked, tightening his hold.

The templar said, rapidly, "You weren't there! He came in like a monster. He's a demon, Maker help us!"

Starkweather slapped him across the face before he yelled, "Get down there and subdue him or so help me I will make you wish he killed you!" He let go of him and watched the templar scurry to the downstairs.

"Don't you dare kill him!" He screamed, "So help me, if I find out that he's dead before I get my hands on him..."

Carver put his hand on Starkweather's shoulder, "Ser, calm yourself. You can't face him in this condition. Let me go to him, calm him down. He'll listen to me. He knows me."

A harsh laugh came out of him as he turned to Carver, "You naive boy, he can't be negotiated with. You're a templar. You're the enemy. Whatever relationship you had with him before might as well have not happened. Don't try to speak with him, Carver. Now, quit standing around and get him."

With no pause, the two went down the stairs to see what the casualties were and what exactly they were dealing with.

Excitement and anxiety ran through Starkweather as he began to hear the yells. He recognized the voice at once.

As soon as they reached the first floor, they found the bodies and they found Anders.

The apostate was firing his spells at a rapid pace, not letting one templar get close to him. The smell of burning flesh and dry ice took over the senses.

Disobeying orders, Carver looked at his former companion and yelled out, "Anders! Stop!"

In disbelief, Anders momentarily stopped his actions and turned to Carver in shock.

_What...what is he doing here?_

In that one instant of distraction, Starkweather took his chance. He lunged at the mage, forcing Anders to the floor. He straddled Anders on his back and put the sword to the back of his neck.

The mage struggled and swore under Starkweather before he slipped out from under him. Anders hissed in pain as the sword scrapped on his neck, but he ignored the pain as he stood up. He gripped his staff tightly before hitting Starkweather in the stomach with it.

Starkweather groaned as he fell back. Since it was late at night, he had not been wearing his armor. The staff hit a tender part in his stomach, almost hitting a rib.

"Where is Hawke?" Anders yelled out as he pointed his staff at Starkweather.

One rule Anders should learn.

Know who your enemies are.

Before his question was answered, Anders felt a harsh pain in his head. There was blurriness. He put his hand to his head as he lost his vision. He fell to his knees and the last thing he heard was Justice scolding him.

And a voice he hadn't heard for months.


	9. No Chance Of Compromise

_Aveline was the first to leave the gang of fugitives. She barely stayed with them for more than a day or two before she finally found Donnic. They disappeared without so much as a goodbye. Hawke and Aveline never really saw eye to eye, but Hawke was still disappointed that they couldn't have at least share parting words. She was just surprised that Aveline had sided with her in the first place. _

_Isabela was the second to leave. She was able to get her hands on a ship. She insisted that they come with her, but Hawke told her that they were just targets. And that Isabela deserved to live her life freely. That was the first time Anders ever saw the pirate queen get emotional. Isabela and Merrill talked for a long time before the two hugged and said their goodbyes. She said her goodbyes to Varric and Fenris before talking to Hawke and Anders. She threatened Anders with death if he didn't protect her from the mess he made. Isabela told him, "She's had enough trouble with people risking her life. Thank your lucky stars Hawke's a sucker for easy eyes." _

_Varric was the third to leave. Hawke, who was always close with the dwarf, listened to Varric as he told her all the outlandish stories he planned on telling. Hawke would laugh and urge him to continue. It was the first time that Anders saw her smile, so he did nothing to stop it. They dropped him off in a nearby tavern. They stayed the night, happy to finally sleep in a warm bed for the first time in weeks._

_Merrill was the fourth to leave. The renegades had crossed paths with a Dalish clan. Merrill saw this as a chance to start over, to reclaim a new family and atone for her sins. She hugged each one of the remaining party. Even Fenris. He had hid the scowl and actually did reciprocate some of the affection. And it was not long after she had left that Fenris began to sport a strange look. _

"_You miss her don't you?" Anders asked, gently. The elf sneered before he turned to look at the mage._

"_I don't recall giving you permission to speak to me," Fenris snapped back before he looked back forward._

_Hawke was caught in the middle. This was more than just bickering. She wasn't going through the Hightown markets. She couldn't just turn and shush the two. And they weren't going to fall silent and glare at each other. That method was not going to work now. This was unadulterated hatred. She constantly sought to gain peace between the two. But it was not going to happen. Their rivalry ran too deep._

_A few weeks had past before Fenris left. The warrior was the last to leave. And like Aveline, he left no parting words for the Champion of Kirkwall outside their conversation about him coming with her. Unlike Aveline, him leaving caused worse wounds for Hawke. He was close to her and vice versa. When she woke up the next morning, she searched for Fenris for a good half hour before Anders finally mustered up the courage to tell her that her dear friend left. _

_The only parting words Fenris gave were to Anders._

_"If you love her. If you really, really love her, you'll let her go," Fenris told her as he woke the mage up late in the night. His green eyes penetrated Anders's brown ones as Fenris stared at him with loathing.._

_Anders was about to reply before Fenris slammed his hand across Anders's face. Anders kept in a yelp of pain as the hard gauntlet hit his cheek. He put his hand to his stinging face, feeling warmth come from the tender area. "Do not speak to me, I will not hear your words. I will not hear your lies. I will not let you manipulate me as you do Hawke," Fenris told him. He stared at him, callously, "Danarius was the same way." The fact that Fenris would compare him to his old master made Anders fully understand the hatred the elf had for him._

_"Hawke is blind to your intentions. She is blind to fact that you would give her up for your needs. She chooses not to see. It is because she loves you. And you, despicable scum, have taken advantage of that. You tricked her into this life. How dare you even ask her to choose you over being normal and happy? Are you that selfish, mage? Do you not have empathy?" Fenris asked her._

_Fenris took a deep breath before he muttered to himself for a moment. Even Fenris knew when he was getting too emotional. He looked back at Anders and sighed, "Watch yourself, abomination...If Lily dies because of your thoughtless foolishness, I will rip your heart out. I will make you pay for the blood you've spilt..." And without another word, he disappeared into the night, never to be seen again. _

Anders groaned as he felt consciousness take over him. He blinked his eyes opened and the first thing he saw was the floor. It was a stoned floor that shined with a thin layer of water. It was thin enough not to feel wet, but it was still there. He began to register the terrible pounding pain in his head at once as he took in what else was offending his senses. There was a terrible smell that made Anders cough. As soon as he coughed, he felt something around his wrists. He also realized he was laying on the ground. He moved himself up and he heard the sound of clinking. As his eyes adjusted to the dark and saw that around his wrists were shackles. In a moment of panic, he yelled out before he tugged on his restraints. The chains were connected to the stonewall. Before he could gather his thoughts, he heard a familiar voice.

"It is nice to see a mage in his proper place," was the sinister, accented statement that forced Anders to look up. Before he could register who was speaking to him, the figure walked away from the cell. The footsteps were soft and silent. Too exhausted to speak, Anders did not call after this person. He let out a long sigh as he leaned back into the wall. Going over what was said, Anders thought he recognized the deep voice. It was…No, no, it couldn't be. There was no way. It couldn't be.

Trying to get his mind off the voice, he took in his surroundings. It didn't take long for Anders to see what he was in. He was in a cell. It was bare save for him and his shackles. He was surrounded by stonewalls, save for one side of the cell. One that side, there was a set of thick bars and a large lock located near the left. He could see the thin outline of a door. Getting flashbacks to his time in the Tower, Anders whimpered as he pulled his knees up. He started to shake at the memories of being left in the dark for days at a time. No food, no light, no contact. Nothing. The only thing he heard was the sound of some poor soul in the next cell being beaten and/or raped.

"Maker help me...I was so stupid. I should not have been distracted," Anders said, closing his eyes, "Damn you, Carver...Traitorous bastard. How could you?" Anders could not believe it. There was no way that Carver would ever turn on his sister, no matter how much he hated her. Yet…there he was. He was with the templars that took his sister. Anders opened his eyes, thinking about how he would do anything for a explaination. Why would Carver have done this? These thoughts only served to torment the mage further. Anders groaned as he tried to think of something else. In his moment of quietness, he felt an annoying itch on his skin. He went to go scratch whatever it was, but he heard something break the silence.

Hearing footsteps, Anders looked up to see that someone was approaching his cell. He looked warily before he saw the templar that had jumped him earlier. The only difference was that the templar was now in full uniform and armor.

"I am Ser Starkweather. I am Knight-Commander Cullen's-" the templar said as he stared down at Anders.

"Where's Hawke? Where is my wife? Tell me where she is, you bastard," was Anders's reply to that statement. He didn't give a damn who it was and how damn important he was. As long as this man wore that armor and supported the order, he was just another enemy and fascist monster in Anders's eyes. And this particular enemy held Hawke's life in his hands. So Anders had no time at all to play nice or listen.

Seeing that he was not going to be answered, Anders forced himself to calm down a bit. He took a deep breath before he asked, docile, "Can you tell me if she is okay? Can you least do that for me?" He still kept a bit of power in his voice. He would not submit to the templars. He promised that to himself before he even came here.

The templar identified as Starkweather gave a thick and long laugh before he told the mage, "Ah, she is well. For the moment. Whether it stays that way depends on you."

Anders glared at him. He hated the sound of that laugh. He told Starkweather, "Look. You have me. I'm the one you want. Do whatever you want with me. Let her go." After not being responded to, Anders then asked, "Can I see her? Please?"

Starkweather just smirked at Anders before he walked away. His footsteps were loud and echoed throughout the stone hallway.

"Hey! Hey! I want to see her! Let me see her! You damn bastard, let me see her!" Anders yelled as he stood up and tried to run for the door. The chains were too short and the only thing that Anders accomplished was falling down in his attempt.

As he fell into the light, he noticed that his robes were gone. What he had on his body were brown rags. That must have been what caused the itch. He pulled himself up and went back against the wall. He sat down and stared at the bars.

Another thing he noticed was that Justice was not bothering him. He was unusually quiet. Anders could not feel any emotion or anything coming from Justice. That could not be good. He couldn't imagine what the templars had done to silence the spirit.

Falling into an uneasy sleep, Anders felt something tickle his nose. It was a faint, familiar smell.

Peppermint.


	10. Betrayal

Anders woke up to the sound of a someone calling his name. In a daze, he barely opened his eyes before he closed them again. He was still tired and his body wanted nothing to do but rest. But he could hear. His ears were awake. They would work while his body lay motionless.

"Anders…Anders…Mage, wake up," was the commanding voice that called to him. The voice echoed off the walls of his cell. Anders went to obey the order.

He groaned before he forced his eyes to open. The first thing Anders saw was just a blur and distortion of colors and sights. His vision was fuzzy and not working properly. The orbs rolled and tried to get back to work, not fully rest and functional. There was a sting in his eyes and they were not taking in images correctly. After a few minutes, Anders slowly got his eyesight back and was able to see through the blurs.

There was someone standing on the opposite side of the barred door. He still had a cloudy vision, but he could tell that the figure was male and thin. Anders straightened himself and tried to identify the person. But as soon as he heard the voice again, he knew exactly who it was.

"I told you, mage, I would save her from you," Fenris told him. He crossed his arms as he looked down at his former companion. The sneer on his face jumpstarted Anders's emotions. He instantly had regrets over wanting clear vision. To see that elf standing there with that look in his eyes...

Rage started to fill the mage's body at a slow pace. "You…what are you doing here?" Anders asked. There was no way that Fenris would be involved in this on his free will. There had to be a reasonable explanation.

"I never left, you know," Fenris told him, ignoring the question at first, "I tried to. But I knew that leaving her alone with you would end up in disaster. I found you again and I watched as you taunted her with a peaceful existence. I watched as you gave her the illusion of a good life." He started to shake as he grabbed the bars and stared down at Anders. His green eyes were hard and cold, devoid of any mercy or care, "I have been on the run before. I know what that's like. And I did not have a right to drag someone into my mess. Nor do you. So I went to the templars who were looking for you. I gave them your location."

The rage electrified at this news. Anders jumped up and went for the bars. He felt the bloodthirsty, homicidal need to squeeze the life out of that man. Once again, the length of the chains didn't allow him to get anywhere near Fenris. "You! You told them where we were? Are you mad? You could have gotten both of us killed!" He repeated, knowing who he really cared for, "You could have gotten _Hawke_ killed!"

This wasn't the Fenris he knew….

The elf did not seem affected by Anders's outburst. He just told him, adamantly, "No, Anders. _You_ would have gotten her killed. _You_. Not me. You. She was in more danger with you than the templars," Fenris said. His body slowly stopped shaking and returned to a normal stance. He smirked before said, "A deal was made. Hawke was never in any harm. She was bait to bring you out. And once she's served her purpose, the templars have no need for her. They agreed that I could take her as long as we left Thedas and never return."

The shock and disbelief colored Anders's tawny eyes as he heard Fenris's outrageous claims. This was utterly insane. Anders listened carefully before he started to laugh. The sound started out as a brief scoff before it morphed into a chuckle. Then it came out as a full-fledged laugh as Anders's body shook. The chains clinked and clanked as his body moved with his laugh. Fenris stared at him, warily. This was not the reaction he expected.

Anders's laugh started to die as he began to speak. "You…stupid elf…" Anders said as he looked into Fenris's eyes, "You stupid, hateful elf…You have no idea what you have done. Do you? Don't you know how ruthless the templars could be? How sadistic they are? Have you not listen to a single word I have ever said? You hand them two apostates they have been hunting on a silver platter, they are not going to honor any deal."

Fenris snapped back, tightening his hold on the bars, "They _will_ honor the deal. These are good men. They serve to protect people from abominations. Hawke is no abomination. Hawke is a good, strong mage. They know that you manipulated her. Starkweather swore on the life of his family that he would keep my deal." After a moment of thought, he added, quietly, "And if they don't, I will kill whoever gets in the way. I would _die_ to protect Hawke. That's love, Anders. I love her."

Still silence filled the dungeon as Anders thought over what Fenris said. His breath shook as he looked down. "I could have left her here, you know. I didn't have to risk my life," Anders said. "How can I do that and you still doubt that I love her?" Fenris knew nothing of what he was talking about. And he would be wise to leave well enough alone.

A scoff came from the elf's lips, "Oh please, don't tell me that bullshit. You came back to use Hawke as a martyr. 'Save her from the evil templars'. Just another thing to put on your list. Just another thing to make yourself look good. You don't love her. You love whatever she can do for you. Whether she can be used as protection, a victim for the cause, or an instrument for your lust."

_How dare he?_

He wanted to kill him. He wanted Fenris to take back those words. Anders would never do that to Hawke. He would never use her. He loved her.

Oh how that elf frustrated him!

His breath became more and more ragged as he tried to keep his emotions to himself. "Where is Hawke?" Anders asked, softly. He tried to control himself and not lash out at Fenris again. He kept his eyes downcast and away from Fenris's self-righteous gaze. "Is…is she okay?"

Debating on whether or not to release this information, Fenris said after a minute of thought, "Hawke is fine. She's been kept in a comatose state. She knows nothing about your arrival."

Relief flooded through him. Anders gave another harsh laugh, "And what do you think is going to happen now? You are going to take Hawke, go on your merry way, make her fall for you, and everything will go as you plan?"

Fenris's cheeks flushed before he told him, "She does care about me, mage. And I can take her mind off you. I'm free. There is no one hunting me. No one wants me dead. I can settle down with her. I can give her a normal life. I can help her start over. I can make her happy. As long as she's with you, she'll never be happy."

Anders went over what was said. Fenris did have a point. It was a point that Anders always knew. Hawke…Hawke wouldn't be happy with him. Hawke was not a young girl anymore. She couldn't spend the rest of her life running. And how long did Anders have left before his Calling? Fifteen years, maybe twenty if he was lucky. And what then? Hawke would have wasted her thirty years on him and she had nothing at all to show from it.

With him, Hawke was a caged bird. She couldn't do what she wanted. She had to do what was safe for him and her. She couldn't live in the luxury her birthright and status gave her. She couldn't be amongst friends. For the Maker's sake, she couldn't even leave the house. What kind of life was that for anyone? Why, Anders was no better than the templars at the Circle.

With that last statement, rage slowly changed direction from Fenris to himself. Anders started to feel the familiar sense of self hatred fill his throat. Maker, it was hard to swallow. It pained him to admit it, but Fenris was right. She would be better off with him.

_Justice...if you can hear me...She may be my burden, but I am her's..._

There was no indication that the spirit heard him. Justice seemed weak and quiet, as if something was binding him.

Anders slowly raised his head and looked at Fenris. With a resigned sigh, he looked down at the floor and he forced the bitter words out, "Just...be good to her..." His stomach twist at the sound of his own words.

With a curt nod and an emotionless face, Fenris let go of the bars and turned away. He walked away from the cell without another word.

* * *

A few hours later, Anders was sitting on the floor of the dungeon. There was nothing to do but to go over his thoughts. He should have never fused with Justice. If he didn't, none of this would have happen...Then again, if he never fused with Justice, he would have not gone to Kirkwall. He would have stayed with the Grey Wardens. He wouldn't have met Hawke.

With a harsh laugh he said, "Yes...Then none of this definitely would not happen...She would have been better off if we never crossed paths..." But if she didn't meet him, she wouldn't have gotten in the Deep Roads. She would have still been in poverty.

No, no, she would have found another way. She was resourceful. She would have found a way.

Anders sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned against the stone wall. As he put his hand to his stomach, he could feel it tightened. He was worried sick over Hawke and he hadn't even eaten for about two days. He was surprised he hadn't felt the effects sooner.

Yelling interrupted his thoughts.

"No! You have to let me see her!" It was Fenris's voice. "We made a deal, Starkweather!"

Anders felt worry go through his body. He knew this was going to happen…

"She is a wanted apostate. She's not leaving," was Starkweather's remarks.

There was the sound of thuds and things hitting the walls. Then there were yells and swearing in a foreign language.

"You swore!" Fenris yelled, "You swore on your family!"

Starkweather was quick to respond, "I have no family. Thanks to those mages. My wife was at the Chantry that day. She was carrying my child. And I'll be damned before I let anyone involved get away from me….Including you…"

"What?" was Fenris's reaction. There were more noises. And the sound of something falling and hitting the floor.

Starkweather then said, quickly, "Throw him in a cell. Bind his hands. Keep him drugged. I'll deal with him later."

"Yes, ser," came the reply of an obedient subordinate.

The sound of something dragging echoed through Anders's mind as he drifted back into his mind.

* * *

Thank you so much for the reviews, the favorites, the alerts and everything. Please review so I can make this story even better and I really want to hear your thoughts on it.


	11. Defiance

**I apologize for the wait. Being a college studen is pretty hetic. And I was very picky about this chapter. Please do review.**

**Oh! And who's excited for the new DLC? I'm actually more curious than excited actually.**

* * *

_Hawke was staring into the fireplace. The way the flames reflected in her eyes was beautiful to him. Her arms were crossed and she seemed deep in thought. Anders was wary on whether or not he should approach her. It was rare when he found Hawke lost in her own mind and he did not want to disturb her. He walked up to her, timidly. He swallowed his nerves and went to speak to her._

_"I love you..." he told her, letting out the words he had been dying to say. Hawke turned to him and she smiled. That smile said so much. It said she felt the same way. That made his heart jump as he looked down at her with tenderness._

_"I've been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life, not tied down to a fugitive with no future," Anders started to play with a loose strand of his robe as he continued, anxiously. "But I don't ever want to leave you."_

_Hawke's peaceful smile turned to a smirk, "Want a sandwich?" The flames in her eyes started to dance as she made the amusing comment. Lily Hawke was an artist with her humor and well placed wit. _

_Anders never really laughed or smiled after Justice until he met Hawke. He never found a reason to. Gently laughing, he told her, "You will be an inspiration for generations of romantic poets." _

Waking up to hunger pains was not a new experience for Anders. The feeling of having nothing to eat used to be a common occurrence in his life. After a long, laborious day at his clinic, he would often pass out without eating a thing. He would wake up with that aching sensation in his stomach, scrounge around for something, force himself to swallow it, and then stumble back into his bed. This was not the case this time. This time he could not feed his hunger. It gnawed on his stomach relentlessly.

Anders's eyes were difficult to open. He wasn't tired, so he could not figure out why. As soon as he regained consciousness, he realized that something was being poured down his throat. It was a thick, disgusting tasting liquid. Anders started to choke as the viscous drink went down his esophagus. He started to struggle against it, pulling back at once. As he did, he felt whatever the fluid was spill on to his clothes. It was cold to the touch and extremely sticky.

Then, he felt something hard hit his jawline. Anders cried out as his head was knocked back. As he did so, he felt his teeth bite down his tongue. The taste of blood only added to the nauseating mixture in his mouth. He whimpered as he felt his stomach rebel against him.

Things started to become clearer as he realized that his eyes were not the reason he could not see. There was something around his eyes. It was soft, like a blindfold. Another thing he noticed was that he was no long chained. Instead, his wrists were tied behind him with scratchy rope.

As the mage opened his mouth to speak, he felt the mixture slip out of his mouth and drip on his chin. "What in the Maker's name was that?" he asked, trying to gag in hopes to remove his body of the offending drink and blood.

There would be no answer to his question. Instead, his name was called. "Anders," stated the threatening and deep voice that belonged to the templar, Starkweather, "Hawke is beginning to wake from her coma. I am under the assumption you want to see her."

"Yes," Anders said, simply, closing his mouth at once. The prospect of seeing Hawke was exciting, but he could not express that. He could not show emotion. And since he could not show emotion, he tried not to feel it. He was scared over how easy it became.

With that remark, Anders felt the blindfold being torn off him. His eyes took no time to adjust to the dim dungeon. The first thing Anders saw was Starkweather staring down at him like he was a pathetic insect about to be squashed. The icy blue eyes penetrated Anders's own with no regard to any walls he was breaking down. "Stand," the Templar commanded, "Stand up and I'll take you to her."

Anders saw that he was sitting down and with his hands tied behind him. Given his weak, exhausted body, it would be hard to stand up. He straightened up before he stumbled forward on his knees. He quickly pulled himself into the standing position. He fell back into the stone wall, but he was able to regain his balance. A small smile crossed his face as his thought of his achievement.

But such good feeling was too good to last. As soon as Anders stood up, Starkweather was quick to push the mage back down on the floor. Anders gasped as he fell on his knees and fell forward on his face. Temporarily blinded by the sudden impact, he blinked his eyes and fought to achieve his vision. Meanwhile, the mage started to scold himself. He should have expected something like this to happen.

"Stand, mage," Starkweather said with a sickening smirk in his voice.

Only one moment passed before Anders pulled himself to his knees and repeated the process. This time it took a while before Anders could gain the elusive balance he needed. His energy was draining.

Starkweather pushed him for a second time and watched the mage fall, "Come on, don't you want to see her? Don't you love her? Stand."

Quick and angry, he stood up again despite what awaited him. Starkweather was not slow to push him again. This time, Anders fell back on his back. Hitting the hard floor caused him to whimper as he felt pain shoot through his nerves. "Sadistic bastard," Anders muttered. He was no stranger to the psychological warfare that templars used against mages. Anders wanted to laugh. Starkweather would have to step it up if he wanted to compete to the true monsters Anders had faced.

"What was that?" Starkweather snapped as he put his boot on Anders's neck and pressed down on the bone. Anders gasped in pain as he tried to take a breath. The templar asked, "Defend yourself. Where's your magic? Where's your demon? Where's your weapon?"

Anders started to cough as he tried to swallow. The remnants of blood and the liquid went down his mouth causing the queasy feeling to intensify. Oh, he wanted to burn this man. But he couldn't…Usually he would be able to do some spells with his hands alone, but he couldn't feel the magic coursing through him. It was similar to the feeling he got when his mana was low, but it felt completely empty now. And Justice was still bound like he was. Otherwise the spirit would not tolerate the templar's treatment of him.

The templar bent down, "I could kill you, mage, and no one will blink. There is no one to protect you. They'll call me a hero. They'll throw me a parade." He took his foot off Anders and kicked him in the stomach.

A groan escaped Anders's lips before he started to laugh, weakly, "Do you feel like a big man, Messere Templar? Kicking people when they're down? Overcompensating are we?" Forcing himself to, he turned himself over, feeling the pain pulsate. He drew himself on all fours before he felt himself being kicked down again. Anders pulled himself up again without a moment's hesitation.

"There are two things you should not doubt about me," Anders said after he was kicked down yet another time. "Do not doubt my hatred of templars," he said as he shakily tried to get up. Starkweather kicked him once more. "And my love and devotion for Hawke. I will defy you," he winced as he lied on his wounded and bruising stomach. He held in a whimper as his attempt to get on his knees did not work. His failure caused panic as he tried to pull himself up. His body, weak from lack of nourishment and from Starkweather's assault, could not support his weight.

Starkweather gave a cruel laugh, "Oh? Come on then. If you hate me and love her so much, defy me." He stepped away from him, "Come. I won't hold you down. I won't kick you down. Come, stand."

Anders struggled, trying to get his hands out of the rope bindings. Maybe if he pulled them out, he could use his hands to support his weight.

"Need help?" Starkweather asked, chuckling.

"No," Anders said shortly as he continued his fights with the tight and thick rope.

The Templar gave another laugh, "I'll let you out. It will be easier on you. Do you not want to see Hawke?"

Anders lied there for a minute as he closed his eyes, "…Fine…Let me out."

"Ah, tut, tut, mage. That doesn't sound like you would be grateful," Starkweather said with a false sense of kindness in your voice. "Say please, ask nicely. And maybe that will persuade me to help. "

Deciding not to dignify that with a response, Anders simply shook his head as he continued to look down at the stone floor.

However, he started to see Hawke's gorgeous eyes in the stones. He saw her eyes wide and sad and scared. He saw her going through the ends of the earth for him. He saw her begging without hesitation if it meant seeing him.

"Can you help me…Please…please help me," Anders said. His words tasted worse than the mixture.

He heard Starkweather walk over to him. He looked forward and saw Starkweather's boots. The mage's heart began to beat faster as he started to panice. Anders tried to control his breathing. No emotion…No emtion…

"No…that didn't sound sincere at all, mage," the templar told him, "If you want me to help you, you need to do better than that. Lest you hate me more than you love your precious Lily." He let out another harsh laugh.

Anders was silent before he closed his eyes, "Please, ser…Please let me out…Please let me see her…" He started to see more of her in his mind. He saw Hawke smile at him. She saw her sitting between his legs on a calm summer afternoon. "Please…I-I…love her so much…" he was breaking his cardinal rule. To never let them see emotion. But he couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'll…I'll do anything…"

"Anything?" Starkweather asked.

"Maker knows I would," Anders told him. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Are you sure about that? Don't say it if you don't mean it," Starkweather warned him. The smirk in his voice was apparent. Anders had no need to look up.

"I do mean it," Anders said with no pause in his voice.

Starkweather bent down and looked down into his prisoner's eyes. He grabbed Anders's chin and forced him to look back, "Lies from a mage that would sacrifice her in a minute if it furthered his cause."

"No! I wouldn't!" Anders gritted his teeth, enraged that he would dare suggest such a thing. "I would give up the world for her."

"I'm not talking about the world. I'm talking about freedom for your precious mages," the templar said, "You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that you would pick her over them. You cannot tell me that you would abandon your revolution for her."

As Starkweather went on, Anders felt his eyelids get heavy. The templar's words started to go one ear and out the other. His stomach was beginning to settle and the soreness in his body started to dull to a low, throbbing pain. He was passing out again.

No, he didn't want this. He wanted to stand up and shout. He wanted to make Starkweather burn. He wanted to see Hawke. He wanted to take her out of this. He made a promise to protect her from the mess he caused. But he failed at this. He allowed her be taken from him. He allowed her to be in this situation. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't be here. Oh Maker, he didn't deserve to see her.

In a last ditch effort, Anders tried to wiggle his hands out of the ropes. They were too tight and he could feel the numbing effects. "Let me out," Anders said as he used the remainder of his energy to speak to Starkweather, "You said if I asked nicely, I could see her-"

Another punch to the jaw silenced Anders.

"I can never see my wife again because of you," Starkweather snapped as Anders was kept in a dazed state. After a moment the smirk returned in his voice, "Actually...yes, I think I'll throw you a bone, mage. I'll bring her down to see you."

Wary of this sudden change of attitude, Anders looked at him with suspicion, "You...you are?"

Starkweather ignored this question as he turned and went to walk out of the cell.

"What did you do with Fenris?" Anders asked, calling after him.

The templar stopped in front of the door and turned to look at Anders, "He was a curious creature when I first met him. This elf, Fenris, approaches me with his selfish intentions and traded a life that was not his for a woman. I made the false deal with him. I will not show mercy to any helper of yours. Every night after you took away my family, I had nightmares. I still do. Seems fitting that I would return that favor to the elf. He's in a drug induced sleep with a potion that will give him horrific nightmares as long as he's asleep. Oh, you should hear those screams of anguish. And when he realizes he can't wake up it is just icing on the cake."

A short laugh came from Starkweather as he put his hand on the bars of the cell, "His fears, his insecurities, his past...It's all an open book now." He laughed again, "I was actually thinking of doing the same to you, Anders, but it seemed too easy. Yes it is a horrible torture, but dreams cannot be compared with reality."

He opened the door and walked out, "I will make your _life_ a never ending nightmare."


	12. Fiery One

Starkweather quickly made his way out of the dungeon and up the stairs. Stopping at a landing, he took in a deep breath before he leaned against the wall. He heard the faint sounds of his own panting before he shook his head and continued his walk. He never had such a strong reaction when he was torturing mages before. Never had he had a shot of joy run through his nerves when he looked down at a begging mage. He had never been so excited about torturing a mage. "No, no, not torture," he muttered to himself, "That demon doesn't know the meaning of the word. Not until I'm through with him." He actually laughed at this, drawing attention from the templars standing guard at random points in the hallway. Starkweather sent them a glare and they quickly looked away from their commander. .

He smirked before he went to a door at the end of the hallway. That particular door held Lily Hawke. Noting there were two men standing guard at the door instead of one, Starkweather snapped immediately, "Why aren't you inside?" One guard looked at the other, staring at him and prompting him to answer the commander. The other swallowed nervously before he turned to Starkweather.

"After the apostate woke up, she wanted to speak to a female templar," the guard squeaked out. Seeing Starkweather's enraged expression, he said, quickly, "We've bound her magic. We sent Kera in. She can handle herself."

Trying to figure out why Hawke wanted to talk to a female templar out of all things, Starkweather just nodded before he turned away. It was a confusing question. He said, after a moment, "If you hear anything, go in. If Hawke is using some sort of trick, I want her subdued. But do not hurt her." After making sure they heard him clearly, Starkweather walked away from his subordinates and went to a door a few feet away from the one at the end of the hall.

No guards were posted at this door. There was no need to. Starkweather opened the door and peered inside. The elf known as Fenris was tied down to a four-poster bed. Thin, but strong black chains bound each ankle and each wrist. Fenris was in his sleeping nightmare. Drenched with sweat and shaking violently, the elf tossed and turned in an effort to wake himself up. Frantic whimpers and whines came from his quivering lips. Starkweather walked in, getting a closer look. Fenris's wrists and ankles were beginning to get chaffed from the constant rubbing of the chains. One wrist was actually bleeding and there were signs of a growing infection. Starkweather felt a grin cross his face. If he could, he would have tracked down each one of the infamous party members and tortured them in a unique way. No matter how small a part they played in the whole rebellion.

But Starkweather couldn't do that. He wanted to save all his energy for Anders. The apostate deserved no less than the best he had to offer. Fenris, the deluded fool, was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong motives. And the templar would not waste the opportunity the Maker gave to him. Starkweather started to chuckle as he heard the elf scream Hawke's name. Yes, Fenris did try to put up a strong front, but beneath that front was a pathetic, jealous child.

After his visit with Fenris, Starkweather went back to the door at the end of the hall just in time to see Kera walk out of the room. "What did Hawke want? Why did she ask for you?" Starkweather asked, cornering the female templar. He stared her down, hoping that he would get answers to his questions.

Kera looked at him unsurely before she looked to the other guards at the door. She then leaned over, whispering something into Starkweather's ear. Upon hearing Kera's words, the commander's eyes widened as he felt a strange excitement overtake him.

"Oh? Really now?" Starkweather asked. Seeing Kera's nod, Starkweather smiled again before he told her, "Go back to your post, serah. I'll handle this." After watching her leave, Starkweather went to open the door and he walked inside to greet Lily Hawke.

Out of all the prisoners, Hawke was the only one that was not physically bound. She was simply sitting on her bed in her simple robes. Her red hair was un-brushed, but other than that, she was clean. Unlike her companions. She did not appear to notice Starkweather when he came into the room. Her blue eyes were staring down at the blanket under her. She appeared to be deep in thought. Starkweather did not say anything at first. He just watched her as she meditated. She looked intriguing to him. Hawke didn't look like a dangerous apostate. She looked like a thoughtful, beautiful woman. There was no trace of demons or vile magic in her body. Yet, Starkweather could not get his eyes off her. That had to be some sort of spell. Yes, yes, it had to be.

Finally noticing the templar, Hawke jumped slightly before looking towards him. Her eyes widened and she said nothing as she backed up towards the wall.

"They have told you about Anders's arrival, didn't they?" Starkweather asked. It took a while to get the words out. He was temporary stunned by the look in her eyes. She looked fearful. He didn't understand. He had seen fear in mages before, but the look never had this sort of reaction. He felt something stir inside his stomach.

Hawke nodded slowly, "It is true then? Anders came to get me?" She turned away from the templar and looked down at the floor. Hawke cursed before she fell into the silence. She put her hand to her forehead and swore again. She sighed before shaking her head, "My love, you are insane..." She looked back to the templar and asked, quickly, "Can I see him? Please, will you let me see him?"

At first his conscience told him that he should not allow this. But something made him think this over. Starkweather said, after a moment, "I can arrange that." After a moment, he let a smile fall on his face, "You should be able to see him while he's still in good shape."

Her blue eyes widened up as the look of terror increased. Starkweather felt the feeling in his stomach rise. It was getting hot in the room. Or was it just him? Hawke closed her eyes and shuddered. She then opened them before she got off the bed. She only knew of Anders, not of Fenris. She knew nothing of what the elf had done to them. Starkweather intended to keep it this way. This information was something he could use to his advantage at a later time.

* * *

There were nights that Anders did not dream. Those were the nights he was grateful for. It was the soothing numbness that he would get after a particularly long day. There was no nightmares to torment him, but no dreams to bring a smile to his face.

Other nights, he would dream, but only a little. Soft, un-provoking images of his subconscious would litter his mind as he entered the Fade.

When Anders first came to the Circle, he had nightmare after nightmare about his parents. He was tormented by the images of his once loving father telling his mother to "get rid of _it_". Anders would wake in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar room, crying for mother and father. The taunts from his fellow apprentices were merciless. A few weeks and being mercilessly bullied made Anders push that dream away. The dream would visit him every few years, reminding the mage of what he had lost.

And there were the nightmares being a Grey Warden gave him. Whispers ran through his mind as he saw dreaded darkspawn everywhere in sight. Even though Anders had at least a decade left, he still thought that it would be the dream where he heard his Calling. Luckily, they were not as frequent as the dreams the templars tormented.

Tall faceless men in metal armor were a constant in the worst nightmares. Some nightmares were just indicators of Anders's complete and utter fear of them. And others were terrible, merciless flashbacks to his time in the Tower. The memories would assault him viciously, making sure he would never forget what he suffered. One of the worst was the reoccurring memory of the night of his fifteenth birthday. He was forced to his knees and made to pleasure a templar with his mouth before he was thrown into a cell to starve for seven days straight. He had dreams of the Templars taking over, forcing all mages into submission.

Then there were the nights after he met Hawke. Sure he had dreamed about a girl before; that was not uncommon. But this was more than just fantasizing about a fellow apprentice or a convenient bar girl. This was more than just getting what he wanted before moving on. This was something much more than that. This was seeing a life with her. His dreams consisted of not only sex, but of love. The two of them versus the world could live out their lives together. He saw a home, he saw a wife, he saw a child, he saw a family.

Dreams and nightmares collided once his relationship with Hawke started. Anders kept himself awake to avoid going to sleep. Because he knew what he would see when he would close his eyes. He saw templars hunting Hawke. He saw them hurting her. Sometimes he would look into her eyes and see that horrible blank stare.

The click and clank of an opening cell door woke Anders's from his passed out state. Hungry and exhausted, Anders could barely keep his eyes open. Maker, he was so, so tired. He hoped that Starkweather would show him mercy and be quick with his taunting and torture. He noticed that his wrists were bound by chains, not the ropes. After noticing this detail, he went to pass out again.

However, a voice forced him to open his eyes.

"Anders!" Hawke cried as she ran into the open cell. Seeing her chained lover made Hawke lose all of her thoughts. She just lost all control and ran to him. She fell to her knees and embraced him tightly. She buried her face under his chin. Neither of them noticed that the cell door closed and was locked by the staring templar.

"Lily?" Anders croaked out, inhaling that scent of peppermint. The length of the chains was long enough to allow Anders to embrace her tightly. He pulled her close to him, not wanting her to ever leave his hold. He kissed the top of her head, taking in that smell once more. Hawke moved up so that their noses were touching. They looked into each other's eyes. Amber eyes stared into azure eyes as joy filled them. They started to laugh awkwardly as they felt happiness overwhelm him. Their laughter quieted as they pressed their lips against one another.

Hawke pulled away and she asked, "Why did you come? You knew that this was going to happen."

And with a choked laugh, Anders told her, "I couldn't let you stay here. I love you, Hawke."

She smiled weakly, "I bet Justice is not pleased." She bowed her head, "I'm so sorry, my love. This is…" her voice choked before Anders watched the tears drip down her face. "This is all my fault. I woke up to this tapping noise. I went to see what was going on. I opened the door and there were all these templars." She began to sob, "Carv-carver was there. He made me come with them. He told me if I didn't, they would kill both of us. Oh, Maker, I'm so sorry. Anders, you don't understand how sorry I am." She continued to cry as her words became more and more unrecognizable.

"No," Anders told her as he grabbed her chin and made him look at him, "Do not blame yourself. This is not your fault. You are being punished for my sin. _My_ sin." He felt something in his eyes get blurry, "I should be the one apologizing to you."

And then happiness began to morph into anger. "Maker, I told you a thousand times, Hawke. I told you that this was going to happen. But you stayed. You stayed and you lost your life for me. This is my fault." Unhappy that she was not responding to him, Anders said, almost shouting, "My fault! Not yours! Why are you here? You shouldn't be here! You should be in Kirkwall, on the arm of some handsome noble, living the life you always wanted. You should-"

And Hawke forced his silence. She kissed him, forcing his mouth to quit talking. After this, she pulled from him and stared at him, "I love you, Anders. I love you when it's a peaceful day in our bed. I love you when we're being pursued by templars. I love you on a warm summer day. I love you on a rainy winter night. I love you when you whisper sweet nothings. I love you when Justice verbally abusing me. I will always love you. And no matter how much you try to push me away, I will stay with you."

Anders looked at her, lovingly, before he kissed her back, "I don't deserve you...I don't deserve you..."

Hawke gave into the kiss before she ended it. She told him, "Anders, there is something I have to tell you. I-"

Starkweather's voice interrupted their reunion. "So touching," the templar said dryly as he looked at the two from behind the cell door. He sneered, "You two are disgusting."

Hawke's eyes turned from peace to a deep seated anger. She looked away from Anders and shot up. She ran to the door and grabbed the bars, "I want my magic." She whispered, lowly, "Give me my magic, damn you. Make this a fair fight."

Starkweather only laughed at her as he lowered his face so that it was only inches apart from hers. Navy stared into azure. "Fairness doesn't exist, mage," Starkweather told her, "Otherwise, you would have done the fair thing and executed that terrorist you call 'love'. He murdered dozens of people and you didn't even bat an eye. So, no, I'm not going to give you your magic. I'm not going to make this a fair fight. I'm going to make that abomination pay."

She gripped the bars tighter and snarled, like a mother wolf would to an intruder, "You lay a hand on him, I'll burn you alive..."

"Hawke, don't," Anders started, seeing that familiar glint of anger in Starkweather's eyes.

They ignored the chained mage's words. "So, would you take his place?" the templar sneered.

Without even a moment's hesitation, Hawke snapped back, "In a heartbeat, you self-righteous beast."

"Hawke! Shut up!" Anders yelled, alarmed by her words. She didn't understand. Maker, why didn't she understand?

There was silence. Templar stared down at mage. "It will be a pleasure to see you break. Such a fiery spirit," he told her as he put his fingers through her hair. Rage went through Anders as he envisioned slaughtering the templar. With disgust, Hawke pulled back from Starkweather and spat at him. The templar snarled as he wiped the spit from his cheek. Hawke smirked and continued to stare at him, defiantly. Starkweather scoffed before he turned from Hawke, "We'll see, mage. We'll see..." He turned and walked away from the cell, leaving the two mages in their cage.

Fuming with rage, Hawke took her hands of the bars of the cell. She made a pair of fists and slammed them against the cell wall. Anders winced at the loud sound of bone against stone.

"Maker, save your children," Hawke muttered between swears. She unclenched her fists and stared at the broken skin. Anders could see the blood start to pool on her knuckles. She turned and faced Anders. She stared at him for a moment before she started to cry.

That image was too much for Anders. Hawke was standing there in the dim light of the cell. The bars were her background. Her eyes were red and wet with her emotions. Blood trickled down from her hands. She looked like she could not even stand on her feet.

Maker help him, if he could just turn back the clock...


	13. In The Lion's Den

The silence was a painful sound for Anders. He would begin to whimper as the deafening quiet over took him. He couldn't stand this. Anders kept his eyes on the pacing Hawke, begging her to speak. Or at least walk harder so her footsteps would make noise. He didn't make noise of his own. He couldn't talk. He couldn't. He had no idea what he should say to her. What could he say to her in this situation? Could he tell her he was sorry? No, that was not good enough. Maker knows that he should be on his hands and knees, begging Hawke for forgiveness, if he wanted to gain her favor and understanding. Anders vowed that he would do this if they would ever escape.

Hawke walked over to Anders and sat down next to him. She then looked up at him with her wide blue eyes. Unsettled by her sudden movement, Anders started to tense up. He believed that she would finally take the chance she had and chastise him. He didn't mind this idea. He didn't deserve less. In fact, he _wished_ that she would express her anger. He wanted to be punished by her. She needed to hurt him. Scream at him, hit him, and vow to leave his side as soon as they escaped. Whatever she wanted to do, he would take honorably.

Instead of doing the things Anders wanted her to do, Hawke just took his wrist and she tried to pry the shackles off. Anders just shook his head. Even if she was strong, she wouldn't be able to take the chains off him. This was a fool's attempt. A heavy sigh came from the mage's lips. He was wary as he began to speak. "I spend two hours a day trying to take these off," Anders told her, "Don't waste your energy, my love. It is something you need to conserve." He watched as Hawke slowly stopped what she was doing.

"Anders, how long have you been here? A day, right?" Hawke asked as she hesitantly stopped her efforts to unbind her husband. "You must be starving," Hawke said with a weak laugh. She leaned against the stonewall of the cell and kept her hand on Anders's hand, hoping to comfort him. She entwined her fingers into his, ignoring the dirty extremity. She was just happy to see him and touch him and know that he was with her.

"I have been here two days, maybe three," Anders said, shrugging. "There's not exactly a clock in here," was his dry comment as he looked down at Hawke's hand on his own. He pulled it out from under her. He must be absolutely filthy. Anders could see the caked dirt and grime under his nails and he saw the dried blood coating his knuckles and fingers. Hawke on the other hand, appeared to be well groomed except for the messy hair. Her hands were nice and clean and not even a fingernail was broken. Why did she touch him?

_Didn't her mother ever tell her not to mess with grungy stray cats?_

Hurt by Anders's action, Hawke crossed her arms and looked away from him. She thought for a moment. "What do they want with us?" Hawke asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She turned and looked at Anders with wide eyes, "I mean, if they wanted us dead, they'd kill us by now. Or would have sent us to Kirkwall to be executed."

Anders did not say anything to her at first. He didn't want to tell her that what they wanted with them was worst than death. He didn't even summon the strength to look at her. But there was something he had to tell her. With a sigh, he told her, "I think that…that templar, Starkweather, is going to give us an answer soon." Finally, he turned his gaze towards her. "Whatever happens…let me take the fall. If it comes down to it, offer me instead of yourself. I will take whatever he can dish out." Anders then added quickly, "If you have the chance to, you get out of here. Leave me here. Run away as fast as you can," Anders said. Against his judgment, he put his hand on her cheek and whispered to her, "And don't let them catch you."

* * *

The couple sat together in silence. Even though it hurt his bruised ribs for her to do so, Anders let Hawke lie on his stomach as he kept her between his legs. Her head was rested comfortably under his chin. He ran his hand down her back absentmindedly. He didn't want to think. It hurt too much. He tried to keep his mind blank as he watched Hawke slip in and out of sleep. He didn't tell her about Fenris. That was a conversation meant for another time. After Carver, Anders knew that she couldn't stand any more betrayal. And she would need whatever will she had left to defend herself against the templars and their torture. Anders frowned at this thought as fear went through his mind. He could only hope that Starkweather was only interested in him, not Hawke.

His hope would be quashed.

"Ah, why look at the lovely couple," Starkweather mocked as he stopped in front of the cell door. When he saw the two mages together, he could not help but feel the rage in his body overwhelm his senses. He could remember how he held that same position with his wife many times in the beginning of their courtship. Why did this murderer get to keep what Starkweather lost? Why was it that Anders could have the beautiful Lily Hawke at his side? What right did this uppity mage have to keep one _shred_ of happiness?

The harsh, terrible sound of the cell door sliding open caused a chill to go up the spines of the two mages. Anders tried not to let this show visibly. He just gave a snide comment as the templar swaggered in. "Ah, did you miss me, Starkweather?" Anders asked, giving a smirk. It was a typical opening comment that he would give to the templars that would visit him in solitary confinement. It had been years since he used that. Since those teenage years, he had graduated to either aggression or the silent treatment.

Starkweather returned a smile of his own as he locked the door of the cell. He slipped the key to an awaiting templar. After this, Starkweather walked over to the couple. Anders put his arm around Hawke protectively. He could feel her heart begin to beat faster. She was frightened. He couldn't blame her. She had never been cornered by a templar before. She never lived under the thumb of the men in full plate metal. This was not a new sight to Anders. He could not even remember his first encounter with a templar. He knew their ways and their tricks. Hawke didn't.

Before Anders could react, Starkweather had pulled Hawke away from his hold. Anders's firm grip on the woman was no match for the powerful templar's strength. "Let me go," Hawke shouted as she tried to get away from Starkweather. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, the templar had balled his hand and formed it into a fist. He then punched Hawke right into the face, sending the mage back into the wall.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you!" Anders found himself screaming as he scrambled up from his spot. He found the chains confiding him to one side of the room. Even so, he pulled on his shackles and tried to go for Starkweather's jugular. "Maker damned bastard!" He yelled out, seeing red in the color of his vision.

"This does not involve you, abomination," the templar said, coldly. He didn't even give Anders the dignity of looking at him.

Hawke coughed, spitting blood out of her mouth. She put her hand to her lip and wiped the blood. "Take your best shot, templar," Hawke told him as she pulled herself up. She stared up at him, daring him to do just that. "I've killed worse than you. Dragons, the Arishok, Meredith, Orsino," she counted off, "If I had my magic, you would be nothing more than a sodding bloodstain on the wall."

Sense of pride welled up in Anders as he listened to her talk about her achievements.

Looking at Hawke made Anders see himself in her. She was acting the way he acted when he was a teenager in the Circle. Oh, he prayed to the Maker that she had a stronger will than he did. Or at least, better sense.

"But without your magic, you are nothing," Starkweather sneered, "You are just a weak woman that holds no power. I can crush you if I please." With that final remark he delievered another hit.

The second blow to Hawke was placed right into her upper abdomen, hitting the right breast. She cried out before she fell back down, surprised that Starkweather would hit her there. Instead of going to protect her chest or face, her hands went directly to her stomach. Anders wasn't sure why she did this. "Stop!" Anders yelled out, seeing Starkweather going to hit her again.

Starkweather didn't register Anders's yell. He just smirked as he hit Hawke directly in her stomach. Hawke cried out again as she scrambled back into a corner. The sound of her head hitting the wall made Anders wince as though he was the one to feel the blow. "Please don't hit me there!" Hawke screamed, her voice wavering with thick emotion.

"What happened to 'take your best shot'?" Starkweather sneered as he pushed Hawke down to the ground. "Such arrogance, such childish pride," the templar said as he went to kick her.

"Don't …touch…her," Anders snarled as he summoned the last bit of his strength and pulled at the chains. He heard something snap. He turned to see that the bar that attached the chain to the wall had cracked. Anders kept pulling at it, ignoring the futility of the situation. It was this moment that he found himself begging Justice to take over. He knew that the spirit was thousands of times stronger than he was. Oh, out of all the times that the spirit came out, why could it not be this time? Why was he dormant now?

Hearing what was going on with Anders, Starkweather turned and he look at the mage for another moment. After seeing that the bar had not completely come off, Starkweather ignored the situation before he refocused his concentration back on Hawke and his beating. He kicked Hawke once more, hitting her right in the middle of her stomach.

Hawke was crying out. She tried to curl into a ball, but each kick to the stomach made her sprawl out. Infuriated that he could do nothing at all to stop the assault on the woman he loved, Anders slumped to his knees hopelessly. Maker, he was emasculated.

_You pathetic man. You were supposed to come here and save her. You failed and now she's going to be brutalized because of you. _

The cries from Hawke morphed from yells to low whimpers. She kept begging, pleading for him to stop hitting her. It was a change from the prideful being that taunted Starkweather earlier. After what seemed like hours, Starkweather finally tired of beating the fallen woman. Panting, the templar turned from the mages and left the cell, locking the door behind him. No word was said to them.

Sobbing, Hawke forced herself to sit up. She whined and moaned in pain as she abandoned her plan to sit. She lied back down and stared up at the ceiling. Her hand, spotted with blood, was clutching her stomach in a frantic manner. This entire sight confused Anders. He had seen her being hurt far worse than what Starkweather dished out. Yet she would never cry or show such emotion.

"Hawke?" Anders asked as he tried to reach for her. She was too far away from him. Anders lowered his voice and tried to soothe his tone, "Lily, sweet heart-"

Her crying suddenly stopped when she heard Anders's voice calling for her. Hawke looked over at him and she rolled her body over on her hands and knees. With a rapid motion, she crawled over to him. As soon as he could, Anders extended his arms and pulled Hawke into his arms. He held her close to him and ran his fingers through her hair. He stayed quiet as Hawke buried herself in his shirt. But after a moment, he just had to do it. "Hawke...I love you...I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he repeated over and over again.

"It's not your fault. Don't try to apologize," Hawke mumbled. "I don't...I don't want to hear it." She sounded so tired. Anders put his hand on her chin and pulled her up so they faced each other. He looked into her eyes. Those brilliant, gorgeous portals seemed so hurt and sad. Hawke looked away from Anders's gaze as she moaned in pain. "Anders," she muttered as she stared to pull from him. "It's…Anders...I can't look at you…"

And with a stunned expression, Anders watched as Hawke crawled away from him. He saw her crawl into a corner and he heard her start to cry. But it wasn't sad crying. It was pain. Starting to get scared, Anders's mind began to race with different problems. What if Starkweather broke a rib or caused internal bleeding? What if he did seriously hurt her? The self-blame ran through Anders. His mind was over run with images of Hawke getting tortured and killed.

Even if Anders ended up living through this nightmare, he couldn't go on through life without Hawke by his side. Especially since he would play a part in her death if she was murdered by these animals. As Anders looked at the injured Hawke, he felt the disgust with himself rise. He also felt a understanding. Maybe Hawke finally saw that Anders was the one to cause all this agony. Maybe she saw that he was going to be nothing but a danger to her. Perhaps…perhaps she was having regrets for even meeting him.

Anders sighed as he looked away from Hawke. He should have been a stronger man. He should have resisted his urges. But he couldn't stop himself. She was so tempting. Hawke was the constant visitor in his dreams. She kept him awake and aching for her. He would wake up drenched in sweat over his dreams of her. And when she came to his clinic that one day, he could not help himself. He had to have her. And like an animal, he attacked Hawke and poured his love out to her. And surprisingly to him, Hawke felt the same way that he did. Oh, he could have died happy that day.

He was a terribly selfish man. He was nowhere near good enough for Hawke, yet she had vowed to stay by his side. With a shy smile and warm eyes, Hawke allowed Anders into her bed, her home, and her heart. Maker, how Anders wished that told her that he would never break her heart. He wished that he could be able to tell her that she was the only thing that was important to him and that she would always come first. He wished that he was able to keep her safe. Andraste's tits, he was a man! He was supposed to be able to protect her! Yet another way he had hurt her and ruined her life.

Anders had never been so frustrated with himself. Not even his failed escape attempts held a candle up to the anger he had. But he was not a teenager anymore. He was so much older, so much more mature. He wasn't going to talk tough and then quiver when approached by authority. No, Anders was not going to let anyone try to control him.

He will not submit.

* * *

So I just saw the first episode of Dragon Age: Redemption. It has potiential. I could see it getting good. But it didn't really catch my interest at first. The guy that plays the Faun in Pan's Lab. is in it! Squee!

Is currently downloading Mark Of The Assassin. Might play tomorrow after work. I already got my party in mind. Lily Hawke, Anders, Aveline, and Tallis. Annelise Hawke, Fenris, Isabela, and Tallis. James Hawke, Merrill, Varric, and Tallis. Virginia Hawke, Sebastian, Anders, and Tallis. XD

Thanks for reading and all the favorites, reviews, and alerts.


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